Final Chapter...

Our mother passed away on July 31, 2010 at 2:30 a.m., surrounded by those who loved her. As difficult as this road has sometimes been, I feel blessed that Karen, Dave, Paul and I, along with our children were able to care for her at home during these final 15 months.

It's funny how the body knows that something has subtly changed. I woke up feeling tired and extremely lethargic. Karen woke up with a manic need to clean and cook. Brady, our black Lab, would hardly leave Mom's room. By early afternoon, hospice determined that Mom would be on continuous care. Her coloring and breathing had declined even more. Dare I mention again what a wonderful staff of caretakers we have had in our home this last month!

As the day progressed, all of us knew in our heart of hearts that this was likely the last hours we would spend with Mom. It is a pressing weight that fills your heart when you know that the body has lost the fight and it is time to let go. As we watched and waited, each of us, in our own way, spoke words of solace to her. Breathing was rapid and labored, so we told her it was okay to let go. As she finally prepared to do this, she gave one last breath, opened her eyes, and then was gone.

All of us are extremely sad, but keeping busy as we prepare for the final visitation and service this week. Right now, I am alone in my home for the first time since I can't even remember. Paul is en route with Vanessa, who flew in from Vero Beach. Anne and James will cut short their Denver vacation to get back home, and Lara will be on her way from Ohio University tomorrow night. At last, all of my chickadees will be home to help celebrate the life of their one and only "Mamaw".

Wanda Jean Marsh

July 25, 1927-July 31, 2010

E. C. Nurre Funeral Home-Amelia (St Rt 125)

Visitation-Tuesday, Aug 3, 2010 from 6-8 p.m.

Funeral-Wednesday, August 4, 2010 at E.C. Nurre

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship
at my side spreads her white sails to the
morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand
and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a
speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky
come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, “She is gone.”
“Gone where?” Gone from my sight. That is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as
she was when she left my side, and she is just as
able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me; not her.
And just the moment when someone at my side says,
“There, she is gone,” there are other voices ready to take
up the glad shout, “Here she comes!” And that is dying.

Henry Van Dyke

Another Quiet Day With Momma Doo

Just watching and wondering what she must be thinking is so hard for me. I'm a need to know person and I need the reasurance that all is as it should be. The long quiet days are the hardest, as I want my Mom to tell me something that will bring us both peace. I know the hand of God is on her now as always and I know she has to feel the love of all but the confirmation would be wonderful. I have poured out my heart to her in these quiet times and I think she hears me. It is so hard to imagine our lives without her as she has always been our rock.I WILL CONTINUE TO BE BY HER SIDE UNTIL THE END AS SHE WOULD WITH US! Love you Mom.

The Quiet Time...

In the four days since Mom's birthday, things have once again changed:

She no longer gets out of bed at all. We change her sides every few hours to relieve pressure, but her skin is breaking down in one spot already.
Mom cannot communicate anymore. At most she occasionally opens her eyes and makes noise but does not attempt any words.
She sleeps quite a bit, and her arms and legs are very rigid.

The hospice nurse says that this is the really hard part-the waiting. Everyone understands now that she is going to pass away, but no one can pinpoint when. Her blood pressure is not going down much, which proves that Wanda Jean and God have their own timeline for this event!

It has been wonderful having 'lil sis, Karen, down here the past 2 weeks. She loves to tidy up the piles of papers in my kitchen and make early-morning coffee. Seriously though, going through something as devastating as the wasting-away of your mother, you need support, and Karen has been a rock for our family! We lean on each other as the emotions shift.

Time is spent getting things organized, listening to Patsy Cline and George Jones cd's, eating many, endless calories and taking turns napping. What else can be done? No one wants to be away from Mom for too long, since timing is so uncertain.

As always, love to all and continued thanks for your prayers and support. Will send out another report this weekend!

Take care,
Sharon

Today's Her Birthday!

A few pics from birthdays past...

Today Mom turned 83 years old! She woke up with a fever though, which is a first in this ever-changing journey.

We sang 'Happy Birthday' and she blew out candles on the cake. Her sisters, Joyce and Elizabeth called and she also talked to Vanessa and Lara. The rest of the gang spent the day here just sitting around, and sometimes in, her bed.

The burst of energy she had on Wednesday and Thursday is over. She has been rambling on about random things for most of today.She is not craving water like she was and we can only get her to take a few bites of yogurt. Her breathing is often irregular, and we continue to watch and wait.

Take care,

Sharon

Friday Night

Sharon and Paul have stepped out for a brief , much needed restpit. Corie and I are manning Mamaw! She has been up and down today but a joy to be around! There seemed to be a little rally earlier today----she drank water and had a yogurt!!!! The first food in over a week. We were told not to make too much of it as it was common to have a little burst of energy near the end. Again , what a priviledge it is to be able to be here with her! Say a prayer or two for her! She does deserve it!

She's Not Ready...

It has been about 2 weeks since this last roller coaster ride began and we are on a straight, smooth section of the course right now. Over the past couple of days, Mom has had a surge of energy, which has been great to see. Yesterday she even ate (yes, chewed) a popsicle and drank many dropperfuls of cold water! She is taking just enough meds to make her comfortable, but not to zonk her out completely.

She seems to be wrestling with the idea that she is dying. Often stubborn in life, she is likewise stubborn in dying. This is very sad to witness, yet at times, offers comic relief as we watch. At one point, she thought we were all dead, so we had to remind her she was still alive. She is obsessed with "a man" who seems to be with her, but does not speak. She also keeps trying to tell us something, but cannot seem to find the right words. This is all part of the normal process and it is very wearing for her. She is resting now...

This week has been a gift, in that the family has been here just about every night. We have had a chance to laugh together and visit with Mamaw. We wish the hospital bed was bigger, so we could crawl in with her, but instead have moved in a love seat so folks can sit with her. Lara came down from OU with Jason for the day on Wednesday, so she got to spend some time too. We send daily texts and emails to Vanessa in Florida to keep her up to date. She will be flying in when it is time. Anne, Alex along with Emily, and Corie have all had many hours with Mamaw too. It has been so great to have their support! Now that Mom has been a little more alert, Emma has had the past few days to settle into a routine with her Mamaw. Of course, she still sleeps till noon, in perfect 16 year-old form, but then she is up chattering and doing the best she can best to make her smile!

Nurse visits dropped yesterday from the twice a day watch to once a day. Today the social worker is stopping by to check on the rest of us and an aide will come to tidy things up. It is wonderful to have this support too. Many aspects of our daily lives are so taken -for -granted and yes, even jaded, so it is refreshing to witness the caring dedication of this special group of people. God bless them all!

Here's praying for a smooth weekend ahead. As always, thanks for reading and for your support.
Take care,
Sharon

Hey All,
I'm not really what you would call a blogger but here I go! I have been blessed to be able to have the time to help care for our Mother.While very difficult at times,just knowing we are with her I think helps.At times she is aware of who we are and I am so grateful! Last night was a really good night. She was able to verbalize her needs and even wanted to go outside. Being out with the birds and flowers was her big thing
We had lots of visitors yesterday! Again a blessing but also exhausting!!!!!I've come home today to take care of a few things, then head back.I don't want to miss out on any time she has left.
I want to acknowledge my wonderful sister Sharon! She has been such an inspiration through all of this! Through her patients( which I have very little) we will all get through this with a stronger spirit.

A New Day

Waiting and watching...that has become our routine. Mom really looked bad yesterday, causing the hospice nurse to discuss continuous care. However, this morning she seems a little better. The nurse has been here today and will send someone again this evening to check on her. The timeline remains the same though, likely within the week...this is the same roller coaster I have ridden before with my in-laws a few years back.

I will say though that having Mom in our home is so much better. We have room to move about and nap, eat and shower. I did get a little grumpy last night with some of our kids, their boyfriends and girlfriends. The volume level went up as it always does when we are together. Mom seemed to enjoy being around everyone, but we are a noisy bunch! It was just a temporary flare-up. This ordeal has drawn all of us together!

Mom has smiled a few times but has been saying some random things over the past 24 hours. For instance, "I think something bad is going to happen; Raymond, come take me home; what in the hell-fire are we talking about" (the last one was funny). We have also found out the hard way that she really does not like to be patted or rubbed. She told us in no uncertain terms to "stop it". As you can imagine, emotions run the gamut-we have laughed and we have cried.

In addition to our immediate family, lots of visitors yesterday-Mom's sister Joyce and niece Carol, nephew Doug and his wife Sarah, Anne's friend Sarah, nurses, chaplain, friends from my church-Mike and Jackie. Lara will be coming home from OU on Wednesday to visit Mamaw and Vanessa is standing-by to come home soon.

Karen will post an entry today too, so stay tuned...



Sharon

Settled into a Routine

This is Mom three years ago on her 80th birthday with Hazel (left) and Jean (right).

The doc has worked with us to find the right timing for Mom's medication, so now she is not nearly so restless. As a result we have settled into some semblance of routine over the past couple of days. She spends time up each day in her wheelchair and then rests for a few hours and then back up. Nights are much better too, usually only 1 trip up around 2 a.m.

Karen has settled into one of our once-empty bedrooms, and she and I swap nights with super-hubby Paul! Mom is eating almost nothing except for a few sips of Ensure when we can get her to swallow. Ice chips and sporadic sips of water are her mainstay. A once-robust woman, you can see her shrinking down in size. She still seems to recognize us, but her words are often garbled and few and far between...she mostly has her eyes closed. She has occasionally called out the names of her sisters who have already passed, and I will admit that worries me! I guess mostly it is a sign of things to come.

We are having a little family celebration for Mom tonight, though her birthday is not until July 25. I don't know what the next week will bring and at least for today she seems calm.

I will be home with her for the next two weeks, so now I can just focus on making her as comfortable as possible. Her sister Joyce is coming for a visit tomorrow and I hope that will be a comfort to her too.

More to come later this week...thanks for all of your support!
Sharon

Memories...

Karen and I were going through photos last night to scan to the computer. It was a virtual trip down memory lane. Lots of pictures with Mom, Dad and the kids-holidays, birthdays, etc. We laughed at all of the 'big' hair, weird clothes and reminisced about the years gone by. Here are just a few in the timeline of our mom.

Mom worked as a sales clerk for K-Mart for over 25 years. She was a homemaker until about 1968 when she went to work to help pay for glasses, braces and visits to the dermatologist...all the things that go along with having teens.

Mom's first grandchild, Anne, was born in 1984. She and Dad stayed at the hospital waiting for her arrival at 5:21 a.m. Mom said she prayed all night for everything to be alright...and it was. Anne is now 26 and, even though she has a place of her own, Mom has recently been calling out her name at night to help her.

Wanda Jean Peed grew up on a farm in Kentucky. She was 1 of 6 girls, and she also had 2 brothers. She stripped tobacco and helped raise the younger siblings. She moved to Cincinnati in 1954 when she and my dad got married. This photo was taken in 1950 when she was 23.

No sleep for the restless...

It has been a few weeks since the last post, but things have been really hectic. Late night trips to the bathroom and daily anxiety have worn all of us out.

Over the last 2 nights Mom's restlessness has reached epic proportions. Up and down, down and up is the constant theme. Last night one of the wonderful nurses from hospice came to visit until 2 a.m. She was then relieved by an aide who sat with Mom until 8 a.m. This allowed Paul and I to get some sleep. The DR has ordered a 24-hour aggressive pain and anxiety medication regimen to aid in relaxation and sleep.

It is getting much more difficult for Mom to swallow and do the daily things most of us take for granted. She really cannot stand for any length and she forgets to let go of things once she has hold of them. This makes for difficult transfers. Her appetite, which has been up and down over the last few weeks, has now dwindled to almost nothing. We're lucky to get her to drink Ensure.

Confused speech is more prevalent, she recognizes everyone, but it is sometimes hard for her to get the right name out. If one of us is not around, her memory is more fogged. For example, the other day, Karen mentioned me (I was at work) and Mom thought I was dead. She wanted to know if I liked her and if we got along. Imagine my surprise!!

I learned of a phase of dementia last night that I had never heard of before...terminal restlessness. Mom is exhibiting many of the symptoms but the nurse does not feel she is quite there yet. I can't imagine her getting worse, but then again, I try to focus on one day at a time.

You can check out the info at:

http://www.hospicepatients.org/terminal-agitation.html

We had planned on doing something really special for her birthday on the 25th, but right now she is in no shape to enjoy anything. I have just asked family and her friends to drop by for a visit if they can.

I know that many are praying for her and our family- just know that we appreciate all of it. I am trying to figure out how to add photos to this blog so that I can get her picture up...we'll see how that works out.


Take care all,

Sharon

Update on the visit to the surgeon...

Good news today...Mom can now put weight on her left leg! Hopefully this is going to really help with the transfers-in and out, up and down, etc. The doc was ready to send her to rehab but since she really could not walk too well prior to the break, this is not something we will actively pursue. For those who follow my FB page, think back to my reference to Amy Winehouse a month ago:) LOL

For those who may not be aware, last week we engaged the services of a local hospice. We will now maintain her status as is, without seeking to rehab her to a walking state or pursue any further surgeries, etc. So far, everyone has been really sincere and helpful. It's like a revolving door at our house! Tomorrow I am meeting with the social worker and I hope to plan something really special for Mom's birthday in July...keep you posted on that.

It was really cute today at the surgeon's office. He asked her if she had been putting weight on her leg, and she said "well yes-I've been walking to the kitchen"...NOT. She also of course told him that she really had not broken her leg. Oh the joys of short-term memory loss. I had just reminded her about it in the car en route.

Well, that's about it for now. I hope we have a quiet night...I am on duty. Paul had to get up about 4 times last night. I am really blessed to have a husband who will do this for his mother-in-law.

Take care,
Sharon

7:05 a.m.

Was up 3 times between 2:45 and 6:30 with Mom-thanks to Paul for doing the last one! Now the nose bleed has started again. I guess it is time to check the cumadin dosage again. In case you didn't already know, she has a large DVT, or a blood clot (DVT just sounds smarter-:) First the blood gets too thin, then we adjust the meds and it gets too thick. Meanwhile, we keep the washer going, cleaning nightgowns and sheets.

Will check in again later...

Okay, here goes...

I have never been a blogger before but do like to read them sometimes. Since I have been doing lots of reading on various medical conditions due to Mom's health, I thought this might be a great way to keep family and friends up-to-date on how she (Jean, Wanda, Mom) is doing.

For those who know Mom and how independant she has always been, you know how hard this is for her. She still thinks that she would be fine moving back to her home and just carrying on as usual. Sometimes she does not remember that she even broke her leg; she just wonders what that funny-feeling 14 inch line on her leg is all about.

We are still working on getting a smooth system in place to care for her. During the day, Paul is the main caregiver,with my sister Karen and her husband Dave, filling in as needed. We take turns getting up with her at night and sometimes Anne helps too. Emma is around to take point on occasion as well. By now we are well-versed in how to use a "gait" belt (or is it "gate") and a transfer board and how to take the arms off a wheel chair...just what we all wanted to learn!

For our family and Mom's friends-just know that we think of all of you often. We cannot get Mom interested in calling friends or family and that is part of the progression of dementia. Please don't feel slighted or sad. You can call us any time and we can fill you in.

We would love to hear from you...more to come later.

Sharon